


maybe this christmas

by blackbirddan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21928084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbirddan/pseuds/blackbirddan
Summary: In all the years they've known each other, Dan and Phil have never been able to spend Christmas Day together. And it's looking like they still can't, even with how much things have changed this year. Unless...a.k.a. Dan’s family spend Christmas in the Isle of Man.Written for schnaf as part of the 2019 Phandom Fic Fests Secret Santa exchange. Prompt: Christmas dinner with the family
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 107
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	maybe this christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schnaf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnaf/gifts).



"Isn't it weird that in all these years we've never seen each other on Christmas Day?”

Dan didn't break off from artfully draping lights over the tree's branches. 

"Mmm," he replied. "We sort of have, though.”

"Skype doesn't count." 

"Doesn't it?" 

"No. I mean in person." 

"Well, it's not really weird. Our families have never lived near each other." 

Phil glanced down at the box of decorations at his feet. They'd worried that the decorations had somehow been lost during their clear out earlier in the year, but they'd shown up to their relief just before they’d bought a whole new set. Phil was delighted not to have lost the decade's worth of ornaments they'd chosen together - the polar bear, the doughnut, the broken penguin. 

"I guess," he said, lifting out an elegant glass star. "It isn't _weird_ , I suppose. It's just the one thing we've never done together." 

"Does it bother you?" 

"Kind of." admitted Phil. "But I don't really see a way around it. Can't be in two places at once." 

"Mmm," said Dan. "Now we have to fly it's so much more of a pain. When I used to come to Manchester by train it wasn't so bad." 

"Yeah," said Phil. He wasn't even sure why he'd brought it up. He knew how much they both liked going home for Christmas, despite how much Dan complained about being back in his little childhood bedroom. For his part, he couldn't imagine spending Christmas without seeing his parents and his brother, to go and see Dan's family instead. 

But despite that, there was still a part of him that hated waking up on Christmas morning and having to say 'Merry Christmas' to Dan over the phone. 

"Anyway, my gran'd kill me," said Dan. 

"Yeah. Plus you want to see her, too."

"Well. Yeah." 

"And Colin." 

"Mainly Colin." 

The conversation moved on, but Phil found the idea still flitting around his mind days later.

"Mum," he said during a Facetime call. "How many people could we realistically have at ours for Christmas?" 

Kath blinked, thinking. 

"Well, I'm not sure," she said. "Maybe a few more, but we'd run out of chairs pretty quickly. Why do you ask?" 

"I was just - " He sighed. "I was just thinking the other day about how I've never seen Dan on Christmas. But he obviously wants to spend the day with his family, and so do I.”

"What, so you wanted to invite them _all_?" she said incredulously. 

"No! Well, I don't know. Could we even fit them all?" 

"How many of them would there be?" 

"Er," said Phil, thinking furiously. "Like, five maybe? Including Dan?" 

Kath breathed out. 

"It's a bit short notice, love," she said. 

"I wouldn't mind putting towards the extra food," said Phil.

"Oh, it's not that," she said. "I've ordered most of it already, but I could always get some more. But they'd all need flights, and a hotel - with Martyn and Corn here as well as you and Dan, we wouldn't have room for them all here. And it's only three weeks until Christmas, it'd be very expensive, if there are even flights and rooms left." 

"Oh, yeah." Phil glanced over at Norman's tank, festooned with tinsel. "I don't even know if they'd want to travel. They wouldn't want to leave their dog, I expect. And maybe they like being at home so they can visit relatives and stuff." 

"Or they might have work." 

"Yeah. I guess I hadn't thought it through much," said Phil with a rueful laugh. "I just liked the idea."

"Yes, I know how you get when you like an idea, Phil." 

"We can still Skype him," said Phil, "Like we always do." 

"Definitely," said Kath. "And he's still coming up before, so we can give him his presents and everything.”

"Yeah," said Phil. "I need to book that, actually." 

"Philip," she said chastisingly. "Get it done today. The flights'll sell out." 

"I will," he said. 

"Put in a reminder. Go on." 

Kath watched as Phil, sighing, set a reminder to book the tickets. 

"Done," said Phil. "But, just - wondering. Like, if they _could_ come, would there be space for lunch?" 

"I don't see why not," said Kath. "Maybe one day, if they decide they want a little holiday. Perhaps next year?" 

“Mmm," said Phil. "Maybe next year." 

"What's wrong, love?" said Kath, after he was quiet for a moment. 

"Nothing," said Phil. Kath waited. 

"It's just, I've been thinking about how I've never _ever_ seen Dan on Christmas Day. Ever," he repeated, for emphasis. 

"I know," said Kath sympathetically. "But his family want to see him, too. And you do see him almost every other day, including Christmas Eve." 

"I know," said Phil quickly. "I don't, like, begrudge them or anything. I guess it's also because we always have Cornelia with us, too, which I love, but it's just - " He shook his head. "It's fine. You know how much I love Christmas. It isn't a big deal. Maybe I need to lay off the soppy Christmas movies on Netflix." 

"Alright," said Kath, not sounding thoroughly convinced. "Well, keep it in mind for next year, or some other time."

"Okay. I will."

Despite telling himself repeatedly that Christmas was too soon and it was never going to happen, Phil still found himself unable to shake the idea. 

"Aren't you calling your mum tonight?" he asked Dan over dinner. 

"Yeah," said Dan suspiciously. "Why?" 

"You could ask." 

"Ask what?" 

"About Christmas." 

“ _This_ Christmas?" 

"Yeah." 

Dan laughed caustically. 

"Yeah, I could, but they're not gonna say yes," said Dan, one side of his mouth quirking up. "Not for this year, anyway. It's in, like, less than three weeks, and they'd all have to travel to the Isle of Man. And find someone to take Colin. I don't think they'd want to in general to be honest, let alone this soon."

"Yeah, I know," said Phil. "You could just - let them know there's space. If they wanted to show up."

"It's hardly just _showing up_ ," said Dan. "And how d'you know there's space?”

"I asked Mum." 

“Why did you do that?" 

"Just curious. Doesn't hurt to ask." 

Dan didn't answer for a moment. 

"Unless - _is_ it weird?" said Phil. In his zeal for the idea of having everyone he loved under one roof for Christmas, he hadn't considered that it might be uncomfortable for Dan to bring his family there. 

"No," said Dan thoughtfully. "I guess it's the first time we can even bring it up, really." 

"Yeah, that was kind of why I thought about it. So, d'you wanna ask, or - " He tailed off. 

"There's no point," said Dan. "But I'll bring it up if it'll make you feel better." 

"At least they'll know we offered," said Phil.

Dan shrugged. 

"Alright," he said, turning his attention back to his meal. Phil wasn't offended by his lack of enthusiasm for the idea - Dan was well aware that the answer would be no, and had taken the less painful route of not getting himself excited for something that was never going to happen. 

He wasted no time in asking when Dan walked back in after speaking to his mum. 

“Did you ask about Christmas?" 

"Oh, yeah," said Dan. "Obviously they said no. It's a shitty time of year to travel." 

"What, so - never?" 

"I don't think my elderly grandparents want to be travelling right before Christmas, you know? It’s always so busy. Though they might make an exception if it was, like, to the Maldives or something." 

"What about your mum?" 

"She has work," said Dan with a shrug. 

"Oh," said Phil, feeling oddly disappointed. He'd already known it wasn't going to happen, but hearing such a certain No still stung. 

"What?" said Dan, nudging him with his knee. 

"No, I mean, I didn't expect them to say yes, but - did they even consider it?" 

"They might have, if it wasn't so far," said Dan, looking at him. "I mean, would your parents want to come to Reading?"

Phil tried to imagine it, and found he couldn't. There were too many grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins they'd be leaving behind. Kath was happiest at Christmas when her house physically couldn't fit any more people in it. 

"Probably not," he admitted. 

Dan shrugged, and turned back to the TV. Phil knew the discussion was over - not for any negative reason, there was just no need to continue it. 

The vague sense of disappointment hung inexplicably around him for the rest of the evening. It was no different to any other year - Dan was still visiting his family for their usual pre-Christmas celebration, and he'd see him after, and for New Year, as usual - so why did it _feel_ so different?

Phil was wrapping presents in his room a few days later when Dan opened the door without warning. 

"Oi!" Phil said, twisting around to hide his pile of gifts. "Knock first, will you?”

"Sorry, were you wanking?" 

"No! I'm wrapping! What if yours was here?" 

"Is it?”

Phil glanced over his unwrapped pile. 

"No," he said. 

"I just got a call from my mum," Dan said without preamble. "She said she's talked to my grandparents and my brother, and they'd _love_ to come to yours for Christmas." His look of confusion only intensified throughout the sentence. Phil stared at him. 

"...Really?” 

"Yeah," said Dan, sinking onto the other end of the bed.

"How come?”

“She just said she managed to find someone to take Colin, and managed to get some time off work," said Dan with a shrug. "And apparently the flights aren't actually that much." 

“Three weeks before Christmas?" 

"Yeah. I guess." 

"Oh," said Phil. 

He hadn't imagined this would ever actually happen, and logistics started to flood his mind as it sank in. Where would the Howells be staying? How many of them were there going to be? Oh shit, some of them were vegan weren't they? Were they all vegan? 

“Right,” he said. "I'd better call Mum. You’ll need to talk to her as well, she'll have questions." 

"Yeah, I bet." 

“I just - they really want to come? I thought they were dead against it. Did you say something?" 

"Nope, nothing. We hadn't spoken since."

"Sorry, it's great," said Phil, "I'm just really surprised." 

"Not as surprised as me," said Dan. "I guess - I mean, my mum doesn't love cooking. My brother does. but maybe she just wanted a total break from it this year? I don't know." 

By the end of their conversation with his mum, Phil felt much better. Kath had taken the news in stride, and had asked Dan a few questions about food preferences and dates and did everyone have somewhere to stay, and otherwise seemed delighted that Dan's family would be joining them. 

The last few weeks before Christmas passed as quickly as they always did, and before he knew it Phil was piling clothes, gifts and games into his new suitcase. He'd written a detailed itinerary, which he admitted to himself he didn't really need, but it was comforting to just see everything laid out in black and white, names and flight numbers and dates and times. 

He and Dan were going up a few days before the Howells would arrive on Christmas Eve, and they'd all spend Christmas Day and Boxing Day together before all of the Howells, including Dan, would head back to Reading on the 27th, so Dan could see Colin and the rest of his relatives before heading home when Phil returned to London on the 29th. 

It would be odd to have so many people in the house that weren't his own family, but any nervousness Phil felt about it was overridden by the fact that Dan would be there. At least he'd met them all before, though admittedly only as Dan's best friend and flatmate. 

Phil glanced at his tatty to-do list. He only had a couple more items to go, then he could finally enjoy the holidays. The most important was setting up Norman’s auto-feeder, so he stood, and headed off down the hall to unpack it.

He could almost smell his mum’s baking already.

* * *

Karen looked out at the dark street through the taxi window. The further they got from the hotel, the more spaced out the streetlights seemed to become. She'd never been to the Isle of Man before, but now that she was here, she still hadn't actually seen much of it, as it was already dark when their flight landed, even though it had still been quite early in the afternoon. 

_Ah, the north_ , she thought. 

"At least it's not raining," her mum had said about the bitter winds that had greeted them when they got off the plane. On a night like this she'd almost have preferred to hole up in the cosy hotel bar and have a quiet one, but they were on their way to the Lesters’ house for Christmas Eve drinks. 

Karen didn't mind admitting to herself that she was a little - well, perhaps nervous wasn't the right word. Intimidated, perhaps? Dan had told her many times about the - _enthusiasm_ with which the Lester clan celebrated Christmas. Which wasn't to say that her own family's Christmases weren't enthusiastic, or fun, or even raucous - they certainly could be, after the first few bottles of prosecco - but there were never quite as many people as she understood there would be this year. 

Not to mention the fact that the Lesters had always treated Dan as one of their own, and had even invited him on their family holidays. Although Phil had visited the Howells before, the last time had been quite a long time ago, and he'd certainly never come along to their holidays. She couldn't help but wonder what Phil's parents thought about it all - she couldn't claim to know Phil even a tiny bit as well as it seemed they knew Dan. 

Something like jealousy twisted her stomach at the thought. 

Soon enough they were pulling up to the address she'd given the driver. 

"Ooh, it's a nice place, isn't it?" said her mum. 

"Yeah," she said distractedly, digging out her wallet. No Uber out here. 

She was still passing over cash when the door opened, light spilling across the driveway, and a man stepped out - Phil's dad, presumably, by his age. 

_Oh, Jesus Christ, what's his name?_ she thought, clambering awkwardly out of the car. _Neil?_

"Hello!" said Phil's dad brightly. He addressed himself to Karen's dad first. 

"Nigel," he said, shaking his hand. 

_Nigel! That's it._

“Come on in,” said Nigel. “My wife's up to her eyes in the kitchen, so she sent me out." 

They followed him into the warm house, voices and laughter emanating from the nearest doorway. Music was playing somewhere, and the sweet smell of baking hung in the air. 

“Coats can go here,” said Nigel jovially, pointing to a row of wooden hooks. “Don’t worry, the kettle’s on!”

“Hello!”

Karen heard Dan’s voice over the hubbub of voices, music and people removing coats and scarves in the hallway, and glanced up to see him walking down the stairs, grinning broadly. She felt a stab of joy at the sight of him; it would never really feel like Christmas without both him and Adrian there. The first time Dan had visited the Lesters right before Christmas and hadn’t come back until late on Christmas Eve, she’d spent the whole day jittery and anxious in case his train was cancelled or something, until she heard his key in the door.

“You made it,” said Dan, leaning down to hug her before moving on to his gran. “Journey okay?”

“Yeah,” she said. “No problems. The hotel’s lovely.”

“Oh, good,” he said. 

Phil had come down the stairs behind him, and Karen turned to accept his hug too.

“Good to see you,” he said warmly as he pulled back. He looked relaxed and happy, dressed in a soft cable-knit jumper, his hair shorter and lighter than she’d ever seen it. It made him look older, she thought, but not in a bad way. 

“Hello, everyone!” called Kath from the doorway of the kitchen. “Come and get yourselves a drink.”

Karen followed her parents towards the kitchen. Behind her, she could hear Phil greeting Adrian, their conversation polite but slightly formal. Phil was friendly to everyone he met, she’d found, but he and Adrian didn’t know each other very well despite how long it had been since Phil and Dan met. Adrian had been very young at the time, and more recently, Phil hadn’t visited them much. She made a mental note to remind Dan to ask him more often in the new year.

In the kitchen, festive music on the radio, bottles of varying shapes were lined up on the counter next to a line of glasses. 

“Everyone help yourselves,” said Kath, peering into the oven. 

“There’s still that bottle from yesterday in the fridge, isn’t there?” said Dan. 

“Oh, yeah, the bubbly,” said Kath. “Grab it, will you, Dan?”

While Dan retrieved the prosecco, the others stared at the bottles.

“What would you like?” said Phil politely to Dan’s grandmother. “Tea? Coffee?”

“Phil,” said Dan chastisingly, opening the bottle he was carrying.

“...Sherry?” suggested Phil.

“Ooh, lovely,” said Karen’s mum.

Once they were all holding drinks - Karen had gone for wine, while Adrian was carrying a mug of peppermint tea - they headed into the living room. Everyone settled themselves into the comfy sofas, reaching for the array of snacks on the coffee table. The Christmas music drifted through from the kitchen, along with the mouthwatering scent of Kath’s baking. The lights on the tree twinkled softly.

“Well,” said Karen quietly to Dan, who had come into the room behind her. “This is extremely fucking domestic.”

“Mum,” said Dan chidingly, but he smiled. “They love it. They go all out every year.”

“No, it’s lovely,” she said, taking another sip of wine. “Don’t get me wrong.”

“But?”

“But nothing,” she said. “Have you had a good time so far?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Just the usual. Being stuffed with as much cake as I can physically handle, and going for a short walk each day to burn off the fifty thousand calories I’ve eaten.” He gestured towards the others with his glass. “Let’s sit down.”

Karen squeezed in next to her mum, and Dan perched on the arm of the sofa next to Phil.

“Well, cheers everyone,” said Nigel. “Good to have you all.” 

An inelegant scramble ensued as everyone leaned forward to clink their glasses together. Karen watched Adrian awkwardly knock his huge mug against Phil’s prosecco flute. They laughed, and she watched them, starting to relax slightly as she took her first sip of wine.

The feeling of festive goodwill only intensified as the wine in her glass disappeared. The volume of chatter and laughter in the room grew as everyone relaxed and conversation flowed, and soon after Phil’s brother appeared in the doorway, his girlfriend at his side. After a quick greeting, they disappeared into the kitchen and came back shortly with a plate of freshly-baked biscuits, and another bottle of wine.

“Hello!” said Cornelia brightly. “Top up?”

“Sure,” said Karen, holding up her glass. “Thanks.” Cornelia refilled it generously.

“Might as well just leave the bottle,” she giggled, putting it on the nearby table. She settled cross-legged on the floor by Karen.

“I haven’t seen you for ages,” she said. “How have you been?”

“Fine, thanks,” said Karen. “You?”

“Yes, good too!”

“Dan said he went to your show,” said Karen. “He loved it.”

“Oh, I’m glad!” he said. “It was lovely of him to come along.” 

“Do you always come here for Christmas itself?” said Karen. “Or do you and Martyn take turns?”

“I always come,” said Cornelia, taking a sip of her own drink. Her cheeks were still pink from the chill outside. “My family aren’t huge on Christmas, and it’s so far. We sometimes go and visit in February, or March. I love Christmas here, though.” She glanced across at where Phil, Dan, Martyn and Dan’s grandparents were laughing at something. 

“I’m so glad Dan could stay this year,” she said. “And all of you, of course! But we always hate saying goodbye to him when he leaves for Christmas.”

Karen felt a small stab of annoyance, as though she should feel guilty for dragging Dan away from all of this to have Christmas at hers, but pushed it aside just as quickly. She knew that wasn’t what Cornelia meant, just as much as she knew Dan usually did feel torn over being away from Phil. That was why they were here, after all. She took another sip of wine.

“How’s everyone doing?” said Kath, who had appeared in the doorway. “You’ve all got drinks? Do we need more food?”

“Come and sit down, Mum,” said Martyn. 

“Some of us have things to do, young man,” she said.

“We were just saying how nice it’ll be to not have to take Dan to the airport this year,” said Cornelia. Kath smiled over at them.

“Oh, definitely,” she said. “You should have seen this one’s sad little face when we took Dan to the train station on Christmas Eve, that first year he visited.” She ruffled Phil’s hair.

“Mum,” said Phil, smoothing his hair as everyone awwed around them.

“Was that when you still lived in Manchester?” said Karen’s mum. “Dan used to talk about visiting there a lot, before he went to college.”

“Yes,” said Kath. “Our boys grew up there, but once Phil moved out we came here to be closer to family. Sorry we never had any of you to the old place.”

“It _was_ extremely haunted,” stage-whispered Dan.

“Oi, you,” said Kath fondly. “Right, I need to get on with it - come get more drinks whenever you want them. Phil, put more crisps out.”

Phil trailed after Kath as she returned to the kitchen, and Karen glanced down to see Cornelia topping up her wine glass again. 

Phil returned with another huge bowl of crisps. 

“How about a game?” he said, once he’d put them on the table.

* * *

The game Phil ended up choosing was some sort of movie quiz, and so far Karen had to admit the highlight had definitely been her dad attempting to mime _The Shawshank Redemption_. Adrian whooped loudly as he finally guessed the answer.

“Sorry, he gets a bit rowdy when he’s been on the tea,” said Dan, who was pink-cheeked and looked blissfully happy. 

As Adrian got up for his turn, Karen stood up to use the loo, after asking Cornelia in a whisper where it was. In the hallway, she realised she was a little less steady on her feet than she expected. Her wine glass had been kept topped up all evening, so she wasn’t sure how much she’d had…

Once she was done, she headed back to the living room, but paused by the kitchen.

“Hello,” she said, poking her head around the door. Kath, who was covering a dish in cling film, jumped slightly.

“Oh! Hello,” she said. “Do you need some more wine?” 

Karen laughed.

“Definitely not - but I’m not gonna say no.” 

“I might join you,” said Kath. “I think I’m finally done.”

“I feel bad about not helping,” said Karen, as Kath opened the bottle. They slid onto two stools at the breakfast bar.

“Oh, nonsense,” said Kath, pouring them both a generous glass. “I always tell them to get out from under my feet. Like I need Phil hanging around eating everything and smashing my cups.”

Karen snorted into her wine glass.

“He’s become a wonderful man, but that appetite didn’t get left behind when he wasn’t a teenager any more.”

“Right?” said Karen. “Dan’s exactly the same. Especially at Christmas, when I think he gives himself a pass.”

“Oh, I know,” said Kath. “And so he should! It’s Christmas.”

“Yeah, I agree,” said Karen. 

“He offered to help too, by the way,” said Kath, nibbling on a peanut. “He always does.”

“Glad to hear it,” said Karen, taking a generous sip of wine. She could already hear the effects of the drink in her voice, but - what the hell. As Kath said, it was Christmas.

“Now we’re here, I just want to thank you properly for having us,” said Karen. “I know it was pretty last minute.”

“Well, I’m glad you could all make it,” said Kath. “It’s really no problem. When Phil mentioned it, it was only a few weeks ago, so I didn’t think you’d be able to make travel arrangements so late.”

“It was a bit of a challenge,” admitted Karen. “But - I just felt like I needed to make the effort this time.” She fiddled with the stem of her wine glass.

“Can I tell you something?” she said. Kath leaned forward slightly.

“Of course,” she said. 

“Did you know about the video Dan made earlier this year?”

“Oh, yes,” said Kath, her expression softening. “I have to admit, I did have a bit of a cry when I watched it. I had no idea he’d had such a tough time at school, poor lad.”

Karen blinked in surprise.

“You’ve seen it?”

“Yes,” said Kath. “We watched Phil’s, and then Dan’s popped up. We did ask him first, though, before we went ahead and watched it. He didn’t sound very sure, but in the end he said it was okay. I was so proud of him when I watched it. I’m sure you must have been even more so.”

Karen swallowed. When she’d brought it up, she hadn’t expected that Kath would actually have _seen_ the video - what must she think of her now, as a mother, as a person? 

“I - he asked me not to watch it,” she said, her voice cracking. “So I didn’t. But then a few weeks ago, a colleague asked me about it at a work do. All these personal things.” She took another sip of wine. “I didn’t know what Dan had talked about in it, so when I got home from the party - I watched it.”

“Oh - I didn’t realise. A lot to take in, isn’t it?”

“I - yeah,” said Karen. She let out a huge sigh. “I just feel like - I couldn’t quite believe it when I heard it all. I knew he’d had some hard times, obviously, and I knew I’d made some mistakes, but I thought every parent did. I had no idea that I’d failed him so completely.”

A tear hit the back of her hand, and she brushed at her cheek furiously. _Damnit. Not now. It’s Christmas Eve._

Kath reached out to pat her hand.

“I’m sure you did your best by him,” she said comfortingly.

“Well, my best apparently wasn’t very good,” said Karen bitterly. She didn’t seem to be able to stop the tears from falling now. “Since he said he felt completely alone when he was a kid.”

Kath looked like she didn’t know what to say.

“Sorry,” said Karen. “I just - haven’t really been able to talk to anyone about this. My mum hasn’t seen the video, thank God.”

“Does Dan know you’ve seen it?”

“No - not yet. Things have been going really well since he told us he was gay earlier this year. I don’t want to spoil it. Maybe that’s selfish.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand,” said Kath, sliding off her stool to bring some paper towel over. Karen dabbed at her eyes. “And I’m sure he would have shared it all with you one day.”

“Maybe,” said Karen. She glanced up at Kath again, who still had a patient expression on her face.

“When I said thanks for having us for Christmas - that’s why I wanted us to come,” she said. “After I watched the video - the things Dan said about Phil and how it was when they got together - ” She shook her head roughly. 

“I can’t believe I was so blind, for so long. It’s been such a big part of his life for a whole decade and yet I knew nothing about it.”

“Did you never wonder?” said Kath.

“Of course I did. I was never Mother of the Year, but I know my son. Or - I thought I did. I could see how happy he was, in-between the times when he was being moody. Eventually I just asked him - he laughed, said I was being ridiculous. Said he was just happy to finally have a best friend, who shared all his interests. So I just - believed him.” 

“Phil never actually told us,” said Kath. “That he was gay, I mean. You could say I was blind, too, back in the day. When he never had girlfriends or anything when he was a youngster, we just thought he was a late bloomer. He didn’t tell us much about his love life at university, though he has a bit since. And then he met Dan.”

Karen snorted out a laugh.

“And he was up here - sorry, in Manchester - every other weekend,” she took another sip of wine. “I remember.”

“We were always happy to have him,” said Kath. “But - yes, he was certainly here quite a lot since he lived so far away. Phil said it was just about making videos at first, bless him.”

Karen couldn’t help but smile, remembering Phil when she’d first met him, young and nervous.

“And, well, we just figured it out, you know,” said Kath. What exactly had led her to figure it out, she didn’t say, but Karen was quite happy if she didn’t elaborate. 

“I’m - really grateful that Dan felt safe here,” said Karen, feeling the tears welling up again. “That he still does. But I also - it makes me angry. Not at you,” she added quickly. “At myself. It’s supposed to be your _own_ home, your own family, that make you feel that way. And he didn’t have that until he met Phil.”

“Sounds like things are improving, though,” said Kath. 

“Well, yeah,” she said. “We actually have been talking a lot more. But that part of his life is long over, and I missed it all. He couldn’t tell me when he fell in love. He couldn’t tell me when he was suffering so much he almost - ”

She stopped, unable to continue. Kath patted her hand again. 

“I know,” she said, her voice soft. “But he’s a wonderful man, now, and he was a wonderful lad when we met him back then, so I reckon you must have done a lot right, you know?” Karen looked up at her.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m not sure I can take credit for that.”

“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“That’s why I wanted us to come,” said Karen again. “I’ve missed so much, and I never truly realised just how much they meant to each other. It made me sad to think they’ve never been able to be together for Christmas, even though I know it’s really been about logistics. And Dan said Phil had been talking about it. And - I wanted to give him this, at least.”

She sniffed, suddenly feeling very tired.

“Well, I’m sure he’s delighted that - “

As if on cue, Dan suddenly appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, wine glass in hand. 

“Oh, here you are!” he said, laughing. “We thought you might have fallen asleep on the loo again.”

Karen looked at him, at his bright smile, the deep dimples in his cheeks. He radiated happiness and contentment, and she slid wordlessly from her stool to cross the kitchen and take him in her arms.

He was so tall that this meant her head rested on his chest, and had done since he was a teenager. She breathed him in, listening to the beating of his heart, and smoothed her hands up and down his back. He had stopped coming for cuddles before he was even into his teens, and while she’d figured he was just getting older and it was perfectly normal, she’d still missed it. They just - hadn’t been that sort of family.

“Are you okay?” he said, hugging back. She could hear the confusion in his voice. “Has something happened?”

“I’ll give you a minute,” said Kath quietly. 

“No, no, it’s okay,” said Karen, pulling back to meet his worried gaze. “I’m okay. Just had one too many, and got over-emotional. You know how Christmas is.”

“Mmm,” said Dan, sounding unconvinced. 

“We were just talking about old Christmases, when you and Phil were youngsters,” said Kath. “And you know how us mums can get about our boys, now you’re all grown up.”

Dan visibly relaxed, and rolled his eyes. Karen shot her a grateful smile.

“I should have known,” he said. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you getting teary on my eighteenth.”

“Excuse me,” said Karen, sniffing. “I was crying at my own lost youth, thank you very much.”

This was safer territory. Jokes, she could handle. A heart-to-heart in her current state might just push her over the edge.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” said Dan, pulling her back in for another brief hug. “We ruined your life and destroyed your youth, blah blah blah.” 

He was smiling, she could hear it in his voice. A joke they’d all shared many times before. But this time, she didn’t find it very funny.

“No,” she said, her voice muffled by his striped jumper. “You didn’t.”

He glanced down slightly quizzically as she pulled back, and she looked away from him. 

Phil bounded into the kitchen.

“Do we still have more popcorn? - Oh. Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No, of course not,” said Karen. “We were just being emotional mums.”

“Oh, that’s Mum’s favourite festive hobby,” said Phil, retrieving another bag of popcorn from a cupboard. “She’ll have the baby photos out next.”

“I’d love to see them,” said Karen softly. There was so much about Phil she didn’t know.

“They’re mostly pictures of Martyn,” said Phil. “By the time I came along they were like, ‘boooring! Seen it!’” He grinned teasingly at his mum.

“We were not, Philip,” said Kath, swatting at him with a tea towel.

“I’ve seen loads of baby pictures of you,” said Dan, looking happier again. “They were all over your old house. And there are lots of videos, as well.”

“See?” said Kath. 

“Yeah, okay,” conceded Phil, tearing open the popcorn bag. “Oh, I forgot. Do you still have any of that plain popcorn? That you put your own salt or whatever on?”

“No,” said Kath. “Why, do you not like that one?”

“I do, yeah. But Adrian said he didn’t want any because it had corn oil in it, or something?”

Karen laughed loudly, the knot of tension easing properly for the first time since she’d arrived.

“Sounds like my son,” she said.

“You get like that sometimes,” said Phil, nodding at Dan. “Like when you threw out all our peanut butter and bought a new one.”

“It had palm oil in it!”

“You didn’t need to throw it all away, though!”

“There was hardly any left! Just scrapings.”

“I’d have eaten the scrapings!”

“Oh, you would not. You’d have started the new jar and left the scrapings there forever.”

Karen exchanged a look with Kath, who was watching them fondly. 

“Go on, you two,” said Kath. “Get back to the others. We’ll be in in a minute.”

“Are you joining us, Mum?” said Phil. “You’ve been in here all evening.”

“Yes, Phil, someone has to make sure there’s a lunch tomorrow.”

“Okay,” said Phil. “But you should come and relax too.”

“I will,” she said. “Look, my apron’s off and everything.”

“Good,” he said. “See you in a minute.”

He leaned into Dan as he passed him, his smile soft, and Dan smiled back, following him back to the living room.

Karen turned back towards Kath.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I will tell him that i’ve seen it. I just - it’s their first proper Christmas together, and I don’t want to upset him on Christmas Eve.”

Kath nodded.

“Any time,” she said. “C’mon. Let’s see what they’re getting up to.” She glanced at Karen’s half-empty wine glass.

“Want a top up?” she said.

“Ah, no,” said Karen. “I might actually join my youngest in a tea. So rock and roll.”

“You know what, I might just join you.”

When they re-entered the living room with their mugs of tea a short time later, it felt to Karen like it had been hours since she was last in there, even though a quick glance at her watch told her it had been less than an hour. 

“Where’d you go, Mum?” said Adrian.

“I was just talking to Mrs - to Kath,” she said. “Us mums have to stick together, you know.” He grinned.

“Yeah, true!” he said. 

“Phil, get a move on,” said Martyn. Karen glanced across to where Phil was picking out another game from the huge pile he’d spread across the floor. 

“Well, what’s wrong with my idea?” asked Nigel.

“Dad, we’re not playing Boggle again,” said Phil. “Santa Banter?”

“I like Boggle,” said Nigel.

“Yes, anything!” said Martyn, laughing. “Just make a decision!”

The resulting game of Santa Banter was won handily by Martyn. It was late by then, and Karen was starting to feel the effects of the wine more intensely. 

“Big day tomorrow,” said her mum. “I think Dad and I are about ready to head back to the hotel.”

“You read my mind,” she said. “I’ll come with.”

They headed into the hallway while they waited for their taxi.

“Come along whenever you’re ready in the morning,” said Kath. “I’ll be up early.”

“Might have a tiny lie-in,” said Karen. “The upside of the kids not being littluns any more - they’re not waking me up at five AM.”

“We’ll be here a little later,” said Karen’s mum. “We’re going to church first.”

“Oh, lovely,” said Kath, helping her with her coat. “Well, any time’s fine.”

Kath and Dan waved them off in the doorway as the taxi pulled away. Karen waved until she couldn’t see him any more.

“Well, I enjoyed that,” said her mum. “They’re a fun lot.”

“Yeah,” said Karen, yawning. “Sorry. I’m absolutely knackered.”

“And Dan seems so happy. Doesn’t he?”

“He does,” Karen said sleepily. 

“I like Phil’s dad,” said Adrian. “He was talking to me about photography.”

“Mmm,” said Karen, her eyes closing of their own accord. The next thing she knew, her dad was shaking her shoulder.

“We’re here,” he said. “Bedtime, I think.”

* * *

Phil walked into the bedroom and almost jumped at the sight of Dan sitting on the opposite edge of the bed in his pyjamas. He was so used to heading to bed alone on Christmas Eve that doing so with Dan present almost felt strange - though, not in a bad way, he thought, watching Dan stretch his arms over his head and yawn.

“All set for the morning?” he said, and Dan glanced over his shoulder.

“Yep,” he said. “Not much to do now we’re here, though, is there?”

“Nah,” said Phil. “Just sleep. And eat.”

“My favourite hobbies.”

Phil peeled off his socks and sat on the other side of the bed. In a few minutes, he’d go down in his slippers and make himself a hot chocolate, and add a healthy glug of Baileys. They’d sit around and pick at the mince pies again. Then, his mum would let him and Martyn open one single present. They’d chat, his mum would flit in and out of the kitchen finishing off things for the morning, and then they’d turn in just after midnight, wishing each other a merry Christmas.

No, he thought. Actually, he’d go down and make _them_ hot chocolates, because Dan was here.

Christmas was all about traditions for Phil. Even when his parents had moved out of his childhood home, the traditions, the people, had remained the same. They’d added a few things, like their Christmas Day coastal walks after his parents had moved, but the only big changes over the years had been when Cornelia had started to join them each year - and now, Dan. 

“Hot chocolate?” he said, turning to look at him.

“Oh, er, nah,” said Dan.

“But it’s Christmas Eve,” said Phil.

“And you _always_ have hot chocolate together before bed on Christmas Eve.”

“You know we do.”

“Yeah. You’ve sent me photos of it before.”

“Whipped cream and marshmallows.”

“Obviously.”

“My grandma used to whip the cream herself,” said Phil. “But Mum buys the squirty kind.”

“You love the squirty kind. Even though it makes you sick.”

“Yeah,” admitted Phil. He turned to face Dan.

“Are you okay with being here tonight?” he said. “Is there anything you usually do with your family?”

“Not really,” said Dan. “It varies. Usually everyone’s in their rooms frantically wrapping presents. Sometimes we watch a film if there’s one on the telly, but it’s usually pretty chill before the big C.”

“Okay,” said Phil. “As long as you’re not missing some big, important ritual or something.”

“Nope.”

“Won’t you miss waking up with your family on Christmas morning, though?”

Dan looked at him incredulously.

“Wasn’t the whole point of this so I could be _here_ on Christmas morning?”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s the whole experience, isn’t it?”

“They’re coming over early,” shrugged Dan. “So it’s not much different than usual. Except this time, I get to see you as well.”

“That’s gonna be weird.” 

Dan’s eyebrow rose.

“Weird?”

“Not _bad_ weird,” said Phil. “Just - different.” He lay down across the bed, head resting next to Dan’s hip.

“Different can be good,” said Dan. “Though yeah, weird. You’re not, like, freaking out or anything, are you?”

“‘Course not,” said Phil. 

“I suppose it’ll be strange having so many guests for lunch tomorrow.”

“Nah, it’ll be fun,” said Phil.

“You sure?”

“Of course,” said Phil. “And I know your family. It’s not like it’s a bunch of strangers.”

“Mmm, true.”

“Just wanted to make sure. I know it’d be weird for me waking up somewhere else on Christmas Day.”

“If it bothered me, I’d have said. And would have gone to the hotel tonight, or whatever.”

“Okay. Good.”

“It’ll be nice to be with you, though. I know you aren’t too fussed either way, but - ”

“What d’you mean, not fussed?” said Phil, propping himself up on an elbow. “This was my idea. I thought _you_ weren’t fussed.”

“I said, like, the first Christmas after we met that I’d love to spend Christmas with you, but it just wasn’t possible.”

“Yeah, I remember. I know we both thought it’d be nice, but I didn't think it was something you like - wanted to do anything about.”

Dan laughed through his nose.

“I used to get a bit offended, actually,” he said.

“Offended?”

“Yeah. Back in the beginning - I always thought, on Christmas, wow, he really doesn’t - like, it doesn’t bother him at all.”

“What didn’t bother me?”

“That we couldn’t spend it together,” said Dan. “I always thought you were unaffected by it.”

”Well, I never, like, dwelled on it,” said Phil. “It was what it was and, yeah, I suppose I did just focus on enjoying Christmas with my family. Didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “Of course. But - ”

“It didn’t mean I didn’t miss you,” said Phil. “Obviously. I think I still text you that every year.”

“You do,” said Dan. “Well, not this year, obviously.”

“And so do you. But I mean, you and I had our own Christmas traditions as well, even if they weren’t on the day. Christmas is important to me and my family, but at the same time it’s only one day. Or, a few days, I guess. And anyway, we couldn’t until this year, even if we’d lived down the road from each other.”

“...I know.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Well...”

“It’s not. And anyway, we figured it out, eventually, eh?”

“Yeah.” 

Phil sat up properly. The sad tone in Dan’s voice always stung, but it was almost unbearable at Christmas.

“C’mon,” he said. “I know you don’t want to have a hot chocolate, but maybe a Baileys? Mum bought the vegan one.”

“Ooh,” said Dan. 

They stood, and Phil stopped Dan in his tracks as he walked around the bed, draping his arms over his shoulders. 

“You’re not intruding, or anything,” he said. “You know?”

“Mmm,” said Dan noncommittally, stroking a hand briefly along Phil’s bicep.

“Dan, come on.”

“I know, I know,” said Dan. “I’ve never felt like I am - your parents are always really welcoming. But then again, I’ve never been here for Christmas before.”

“Are you nervous?”

“No, not really, just - I hope it doesn’t affect your family’s day, or anything.”

“Of course not. You know what Mum’s like, she’d have found a nice way to say no if it had been a problem.”

“True.”

“Plus, it’s you. They love you.”

“Mmm. I know.”

“Come downstairs,” said Phil. Dan hesitated.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! What, do you think I want you to stay up here while we have a nightcap?”

“No, but - ”

“Come on,” said Phil insistently. “Let’s go down.”

“Okay,” said Dan. “If you insist.”

“I do,” said Phil. “Let’s go.”

Once back downstairs they settled with the others in the living room. The mood was much cosier than earlier, the lights in the room dim and warm.

“Hot chocolate?” said Phil, looking around at everyone. “Dad? Martyn?”

“You and your hot chocolate,” said his mum. “Tea for me, please.”

“Same,” said Dan, who had settled into a corner of the couch, legs tucked up underneath him. Phil fought the urge to leap over the arm of the sofa and tackle him.

“Right,” said Phil. “Four hot chocolates, and two teas.”

He headed into the kitchen and set about lining up mugs and measuring milk. Quite a bit of the milk sloshed onto the counter as he poured it into a bowl to microwave.

“Look at this mess,” said his mum, appearing beside him. “You could make another cup with the milk you’ve spilled.”

“I was about to clean it,” said Phil. “I’m sorting the toppings.”

“How’s Dan?”

He turned at the abrupt change of topic, watching as his mum wiped up the milk with a paper towel.

“He’s good,” he said. “Why d’you ask?”

“He seems a bit quiet,” said Kath with a shrug. 

“It’s late,” said Phil. “He gets grumpy when he’s tired.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Kath. “He’s not wishing he wasn’t here, though, is he?”

“It’s weird, we were just talking about that before,” said Phil. “And I think I get it now. I think, like - he _doesn’t_ feel bad about it, actually. He likes being here, and he wanted to come. But he knows if it were the other way around - “ The microwave beeped, and Phil retrieved the hot jug.

“If it was the other way round, I wouldn’t want to be there without you guys,” he continued. “And I think he feels, like, guilty or something? Almost like he _should_ feel worse about it than he does?” He looked at the row of mugs. 

“I dunno,” he said. “Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.” He started pouring the milk into the mugs.

“Need a hand?” said Dan, from the doorway.

“Nah, it’s good! You could grab the cream, though. Oh, actually, I still need to boil the kettle for your tea.”

Dan crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist.

“Actually, do you have enough milk for one more?” he said. Phil smiled.

“Changed your mind?”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t you have gross almond milk or whatever?”

“Eh, whatever is fine.”

“Well, I don’t have enough, but I can make one more.” 

Dan rested his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said. 

“I’ll make the tea,” said Kath fondly. 

“No, Mum,” said Phil firmly. “Go and sit down. We’ll bring them through in a bit.”

Soon they were all settled back in the living room, hot chocolates piled high with cream and marshmallows.

“Right, one present each,” said Kath, kneeling in front of the tree. 

“Ooh, I wonder what it could possibly be?” said Martyn.

“Hush, you,” said Kath. “Cornelia, here you go,” she said, passing a brightly-wrapped, floppy parcel towards her. “Phil, Dan, these are yours.”

Once everyone had a similarly-shaped parcel in their laps, they all tore into the paper. Cornelia ran her fingers along the edge of the tape, opening out the paper into a neat square, while Phil tore into the centre of his.

“Pyjamas! No way!” said Martyn. Kath rolled her eyes fondly at him.

“Wow, how did you know?” said Dan, holding up his all-black pyjama top.

“Of all the people who don’t need more black clothes,” said Phil.

“Hey. There’s no such thing as too many black clothes.”

“I expected us all to get Phil’s PJs this year, actually,” said Martyn, winking at him.

“Who says you haven’t?” said Phil, pointing towards the pile of gifts under the tree. 

“Good, I need a spare,” said Cornelia.

“I love it, Mum, thank you,” said Phil, who had a new bathrobe draped across his lap. 

“Hey, why did he get a robe?” said Martyn.

“He might have tipped me off that he didn’t need new pyjamas this year,” said Kath. 

“Ah, modelling the merch on Christmas Day, huh?”

“Of course!”

“How much booze did you put in this?” said Dan, tasting his hot chocolate and wincing.

“A bit,” said Phil mischievously. “It’s Christmas!”

“That’s your excuse for everything,” said Dan, taking another sip. 

“OH!” said Phil loudly, making everyone jump.

“Jesus,” muttered Dan, licking some hot chocolate from his wrist. 

“It’s Christmas!” said Phil again.

“Yeah, I think we get the point - ” 

“No, I mean, it’s actually Christmas!” He held up his phone, where the time had just changed to 00:00.

Everyone stood and exchanged hugs, kisses and Merry Christmases. Phil reached Dan last.

“I nearly texted you just then, when it hit midnight,” said Phil, swaying on the spot with Dan in his arms.

“I know, right?” said Dan. “Habit.” He pulled back, and pressed a peck to Phil’s lips. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dan.”

“Right,” said Kath. “Clean up this paper, and then Dad and I are heading to bed.”

“Us too,” said Martyn. Phil glanced at Dan, who nodded.

“Yep,” said Phil. “Us three.”

After a lot of rustling and people draining the sugary dregs from their mugs, they all headed up the stairs and said their sleepy goodnights on the landing. 

“So, okay,” said Dan, once they were back in their room. “Why _did_ we get pyjamas? We all already brought some.”

“You have to have new ones on Christmas Day,” said Phil. “Sometimes we just wear them all day, though we probably won’t do that this year.”

“Don’t dress up on my family’s account or anything,” said Dan. “They won’t care.”

“Yeah, but, I mean - my mum won’t stay in her nightie with visitors here.”

He’d meant it jokingly, but he saw Dan’s expression shift.

“Which is fine,” he said hurriedly. “Honestly, she doesn’t usually anyway. It’s just me and my brother being lazybones as usual. Wait, is it lazybones? Or Lazyboneses?”

Dan smiled, and dug his washbag out.

“You think about that while I brush my teeth,” he said.

While he was gone, Phil turned on the lamp and replied to a few Merry Christmas texts he’d already had, before stretching out on top of the covers. It had been a long day, with a house full of people, and while he loved it all, he was grateful for a little bit of introvert time before tomorrow. Not enough, really, but he’d catch up - and then some - once he was home. 

The next thing he was aware of was Dan shaking his toes.

“Oi,” he said. “Get off.”

“Your turn,” said Dan. Groaning, Phil heaved himself off the bed and down the hall to the bathroom. By the time he returned, Dan was in bed, scrolling through his phone. Phil yanked the covers back and dived in, scrambling over to his side.

“Heyyyyyy,” he said, leaning close. “Guess what?”

“What?” laughed Dan. 

“It’s Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaas.”

Dan dissolved into laughter.

“Yeah, I noticed,” he said. 

“Did your family have a nice time?” said Phil, reaching over to shut off the lamp.

“Yeah, I think so,” said Dan, settling beside him. “My mum had a bit too much wine, I think - she was getting all emotional with your mum in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely a mum thing,” said Phil. “My mum’s done that before.”

“Mine doesn’t usually,” said Dan thoughtfully.

“That’s what happens when mums get together.”

“Maybe,” said Dan. “Ah, well, she had fun, anyway. She nearly beat your brother at that game.”

“I’m glad she had fun,” said Phil. “Ugh, going to sleep on Christmas Eve is always so hard.”

“I don’t know,” said Dan. “I’m wiped.”

“I’m so used to going to sleep by myself on Christmas Eve,” said Phil. “I’ve never not done that.”

“This your way of telling me I’m sleeping on the couch?”

“No,” said Phil with a laugh. “It’s my way of telling you I’m glad you’re here, idiot.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad I’m here too.”

“Are you actually?”

“Of course I am. It’s - kind of exciting, actually. Just, being - normal with you, around my mum. And my gran. You know?”

“Yeah,” said Phil. “I do. Well, night night. See you on Christmas.”

“You nerd,” said Dan with a yawn. “Night night.”

* * *

Phil awoke suddenly the next morning, as though some sort of internal alarm clock had gone off.

 _CHRISTMAS!_ he thought immediately. A glance to his side told him Dan was still asleep.

A warm thrill settled in his chest as he looked at him. Dan, here, on Christmas morning! 

He wriggled closer, and wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing kisses to his shoulder.

“Mmmmn,” said Dan. He cracked an eye open. “It’s still dark.”

“Merry Christmas,” said Phil in a low voice, next to his ear. “Love you.”

Dan yawned, and wrapped his arm around Phil’s shoulders. 

“Merry Christmas,” he said, eyes closing again. “Love you too.”

“C’mon,” said Phil, poking him in the chest. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“Phil,” said Dan, a whine in his voice. “It’s so early. Let me sleep.”

“But it’s Christmas Day!”

“Everyone else will still be asleep. What time is it?”

“I bet they won’t,” said Phil, reaching for his phone. “It’s - oh. Ten past five.”

“See? Sleep.”

“Okay,” said Phil, dropping his phone back on the bedside table. Dan was asleep again almost instantly, but Phil took a moment to enjoy the quiet. The house was still silent; at this hour, even his mum hadn’t started her preparations for the day yet. The only thing he could hear were Dan’s deep, quiet breaths. 

Phil nestled into his pillow, rested his forehead against Dan’s shoulder, and went back to sleep.

* * *

Karen stood in the Lesters’ living room holding a glass of prosecco. If the day before had been chaotic, then today was doubly so. Kath, filled with her usual seemingly relentless energy, was moving between the people scattered around the living room, offering snacks and drink refills. Nigel was deep in conversation with her dad and Adrian about goodness knows what, and the rest were in the kitchen. 

Her mum reappeared at her side, glass of sherry in hand. 

“This is going well so far, isn’t it?” she said.

“It is, actually,” said Karen, looking around the room. She felt lighter after her talk with Kath the day before - even if the wine had made her say things she might not have otherwise, she was glad that she’d finally been able to talk about it with someone - someone who knew and loved Dan, as well. 

At the end of the day, she wasn't really fussed where they spent Christmas, as long as the boys and her parents were there, and she had to admit the general festive mood in the house was infectious. Dealing with the insanity of the airport had all been worth it when she’d walked into the kitchen that morning to see Dan, in his new black pyjamas, with one arm around Phil, their smiles beaming.

Phil appeared at that moment, still dressed in his glittery pyjamas that Dan had told her were from their shop. 

“Mum? Can we open our stockings?” he said.

“Oh, I suppose you want your nice, healthy satsumas, yeah?” said Kath. “Sure, you know where they are.”

Phil grinned gleefully and disappeared into the house. He reappeared moments later with armfuls of pillowcases, filled with gifts. He dropped them on the floor with a huff.

“Why are there so many?” he said. 

“Well, there are more of you this year,” said Kath. “This one’s yours. Get your brother. Adrian? This one’s yours. Where’s Cornelia?”

Adrian, looking slightly shocked, lifted a pillowcase from the pile.

“Oh,” he said. “You really didn’t have to - I mean, thank you, I - didn’t expect you to - “

“Oh, of course,” said Kath. “I’m used to doing them for the others.” He glanced at Karen, who nodded at him, smiling. 

“Well, thanks,” he said, following the others to the sofa. 

Karen wasn’t surprised Kath had included Adrian along with the others, and she smiled at the sight of the five of them shaking piles of gifts onto the floor. The stockings were bits and pieces - sweets, toiletries, stationery - and soon the floor was invisible under a pile of small gifts and torn paper. 

“You know, anyone else might be offended if you gave them plain almonds for Christmas,” said Dan, looking at the bag Adrian was holding. “But I think you just made his day.”

“Well, what did you get?” said Adrian.

“Chocolate buttons,” said Dan, holding up the bag. “Hah! Suck it.”

“I prefer these, thanks,” said Adrian sniffily. “And aren’t you vegan?”

“It’s Christmas,” said Dan with a shrug. 

“That’s not how - ”

“Nigel!” came Kath’s voice from the kitchen. “Be Santa!”

“Oh, right,” said Nigel, putting down his tea. “Well, you heard her, everyone - presents time.” He kneeled next to the tree. “I’ll be Santa.” He started to pass out gifts to everyone.

While the pile of presents was huge, it felt as though the whole thing was over in five minutes. Soon they were sitting surrounded by even more paper, and assorted piles of gifts. Karen took another sniff of the candle Dan had given her, and looked down at the packaging again, running her finger over his name printed on the back. It was still surreal to see it there, and to know he’d chosen the blend of scents himself. He’d bought her a couple of other lovely gifts, but this one was her favourite.

In the hubbub of everyone passing around their gifts for examination and shouting thanks at people, she almost missed Dan lean in and quickly kiss Phil, holding a gift she couldn’t quite see in his hands. 

Once the paper had been cleared away, it was nearly time to sit down for lunch. 

“Why don’t you go and change first,” suggested Kath. “While I finish the last bits off.”

“Right,” said Dan. “Let’s don our gay apparel.” 

Phil sighed dramatically.

“Terrible,” he said. “C’mon.”

They returned just as Kath had called everyone to sit at the dining table.

“Can we help?” said Dan, as Kath began loading the table with serving dishes.

“No, you just - actually, Dan, you could give the gravy a quick stir.”

“On it,” said Dan, darting into the kitchen, having changed from his black pyjamas into a black Christmas jumper. Phil had put a black, sequinned jumper on over his pyjamas, and was carrying in two huge dishes of potatoes.

“Sit down, sit down,” said Kath. “Martyn, can you get everyone’s drinks sorted?”

It was a while before everyone was settled, the table invisible under the amount of food that was on it.

“Blimey, Kath, are you feeding the five thousand?” said Nigel, as he took his place at the head of the table.

“I know it looks like a lot, but we have _four_ boys with us this year, love,” she said. “I doubt we’re going to have much in the way of leftovers.”

Adrian and Martyn exchanged a look, as though they were going to protest being called _boys_ , before thinking better of it.

“Well, it all looks wonderful,” said Karen’s mum.

“Then tuck in!” said Kath. “Before it gets cold. And Merry Christmas!”

After another round of clinking glasses with everyone in arm’s reach, the meal started in earnest.

“Tetris time,” said Dan, lifting a dish of sprouts aside to make room for the carrots.

“Finally one of your weird references I actually understand,” said Karen.

“Ooh, we need to pull the crackers!” said Phil. Once everyone had figured out whose arms they were supposed to be crossing with, they pulled them, gifts and paper hats showering the table.

“How do you always do that?” said Phil plaintively, looking at Dan who had a cracker in each hand.

“Trade secrets,” said Dan. “Here, have a pity hat.”

“I’ll pity you.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Let’s tell the cracker jokes,” said Martyn. “I’ll start, because no one can possibly have one worse than this.” 

They went around the table, and Dan’s joke got the biggest laugh. 

“That was the worst one! Why are you all laughing so much?” said Phil, outraged, as Kath wiped her eyes.

“It’s the way I tell ‘em,” said Dan, tossing the sheet of paper aside. “Put your hat on.”

“They never fit,” said Phil. 

“Yes, they do,” said Dan. “You just have to get it on your alien head at the right angle.”

Once lunch was over, and Nigel had flambeed the Christmas pudding, they took their coffees back to the living room. Dan disappeared for a moment, returning with a large black blanket under his arm.

“Aw, you brought your blanket?” said Martyn. 

“Hell yes, I brought my blanket,” said Dan, plopping onto the couch next to Phil. 

“Not the weighted one, though,” said Martyn. “Not sure the airline would have liked that too much.”

“Yeah, think that would have been a hell of an excess baggage charge.”

Dan draped the blanket over his and Phil’s legs. Phil already looked like he was about to doze off, his head propped up on his hand, and he pulled the soft blanket up to his chin as Dan placed it over them.

“What does it say?” said Dan’s gran, leaning over to read the blanket.

“Oh, it’s - ” Dan laughed, sounding slightly bashful. “It’s just something I said in a video ages ago. People liked it, for some reason. So I thought it might be cool to put it on stuff for people to buy.” He shrugged.

“That one was for charity,” said Cornelia, pointing at the blanket. “I love mine.”

“Ooh, why don’t we burn one of your candles, Phil?” said Kath. 

“What?” said Phil, jerking awake.

Dan smiled fondly at him.

“Your candle,” he said. “The Christmas one. Shall we light it?”

“Okay,” yawned Phil. “Or yours? It’s wintery. I love it.”

“Aw, thank you. But the Christmassy one seems more appropriate.”

Once Phil’s candle was lit, the room filled with the scent of spices and warmth, Karen looked around at the group as everyone started falling asleep. Her dad had nodded off almost as soon as they’d all sat down, and while her mum was watching the film at the moment, Karen knew from experience she wouldn’t be far behind. Adrian was picking at his bag of almonds, eyes fixed on the television.

Dan was still awake but his eyes looked heavy-lidded, and Phil was slumped onto his shoulder, mouth hanging open as he slept. Dan turned slightly, and caught her eye as she watched them. She glanced down at Phil for a moment, then back at him, her smile widening. He looked slightly bashful in response, but his own smile grew as he looked back at her, and it made her heart clench with love for him. 

All she’d ever wanted was for him to be happy, and his infectious joy today had been the culmination of a year where she’d only seen his happiness unfurl like a flower. Looking at him now, content and peaceful and so loved by everyone in this room, was the best Christmas present she could ask for. 

Somehow she managed to stay awake until the end of the movie, though she doubted she could recount the plot if anyone asked her to.

“I suppose we should hit the road,” she said as her parents blinked owlishly as Kath put the light on.

“Want a cuppa before you go?” she said.

“I would,” said Karen, unable to stifle a yawn. “But I think I’d fall asleep in it.”

She hugged Dan extra hard on the doorstep.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” she said. 

“Merry Christmas, Mum,” he said. “Thanks for - you know. All this.”

“You’ve had a good day?” she said. 

“Yeah. Brilliant.”

“Then that’s all I wanted,” she said, smiling up at him. “Sleep well, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Not too early, though.”

“Hell no.”

* * *

Karen and Adrian arrived at the Lesters’ a little later on Boxing Day. After the madness of the last two days, everyone needed a lie-in. Karen was especially glad she’d had one, as the moment they arrived everyone was already pulling coats and hats on to head out for a walk. Her parents were still resting at the hotel, and for a moment she wished she'd done the same. 

While the urge to curl up in an armchair was strong, Karen followed the group away from the house and towards the cliff paths. Dan and Phil followed up the rear, and Karen hung back to let them catch up. 

“Alright?” she said, as Dan reached her side, yawning. 

“Yep,” he said, squeezing her around the shoulders for a moment. "Good sleep?" 

"Great, thanks," she said. "You two as well?" 

"Yeah - slept like the dead after yesterday,” said Phil. 

"I think we all probably did,” said Karen. 

They continued along the increasingly wild paths, the wind picking up, and Karen was glad she'd accepted the knitted hat Kath had offered her before they'd left. 

"Did you know," said Phil, sounding slightly out of breath, "that your hat is named after Dan?"

"Oh?" said Karen, reaching up a hand to brush across the soft pompom atop the hat.

"Yeah." said Phil. "My auntie has a business selling hats, and she named this one after Dan." 

"You never said," said Karen, nudging Dan. 

"No, well. it's - I mean, it's a really nice thing to do, but it's not, like, a big deal. I mean, I really appreciate it, obviously." Dan tugged at the edge of his own, identical hat. 

Karen looked away from him out over the sea. Of course he hadn't told her about the hats. That sort of gesture - naming a hat for him - was something you did for family, and that just wasn't the sort of thing he'd have shared. Before now, at least. 

They walked on in silence for a while. Gulls swooped over the cliffs, and the sea crashed over the rocks in white-tipped waves.

"We usually head up to the top of this hill," said Phil. "The views are the best up there." 

"Doin' it for the 'gram," said Dan. 

"For the what?" said Karen. 

"Never mind.”

"You never post on Instagram anymore anyway," said Phil, grinning at him. 

“I still want the photos, though," said Dan, shrugging. 

"Why don't you post anything anymore?" said Karen. "You used to be obsessed with it." 

"Yeah, well," said Dan, shrugging. He didn't continue. 

They reached the top of the hill a little after the others, and Karen took a moment to catch her breath. Phil had been right, the view was gorgeous up here, and she got out her phone along with the others to take a few shots. 

Further up the hill, Adrian was standing with a foot propped on a rock, squinting into his ‘fancy-ass camera’, as Dan had put it. Nigel was standing behind him, the two keeping up a quiet dialogue about the shots Adrian was getting. Adrian paused, and leaned over to show Nigel the shot in his camera's screen. 

Karen watched them for a moment. Nigel wasn't just asking him about his photography to fill silence, or out of politeness - he was genuinely interested. She was so grateful for how easily Phil's family had accepted them all; despite how many times over the years Dan had told her about how completely they always welcomed him, she'd wondered if it might be different, invading someone else's Christmas. 

But at no point had she been made to feel like a stranger, or as if she didn't belong.

Further down the hill, Dan and Phil were taking a selfie, heads bent close together in their woolly hats. 

"I'm glad it’s such a nice day," said Kath, appearing beside her. "It was miserable yesterday." 

"It was," she agreed. 

"We usually try and get out whatever the weather, but I don't think any of us fancied that rain yesterday." 

"I'm surprised you manage to drag the boys out every year," said Karen. 

"I think Phil and Martyn are conditioned to it," said Kath. "We used to come here pretty much every year from when they were babies. Corn seems to love it, and Dan - well, at first he just wanted to go wherever Phil went, I suppose. But in the end, I think he was more enthusiastic about it than Phil, actually." 

"He's a bit of a town mouse these days," said Karen. "But I know he still loves beautiful scenery. I think that's why he was so keen to come to France with us." 

"Oh, yes, Phil told us about that," said Kath. "I saw some of his photos. It looked lovely." 

“It was,” said Karen wistfully. "And we had a chance to talk, properly, about lots of things."

"I'm glad," said Kath. "Phil was up here while Dan was gone. I don't think he likes being home alone for too long." She nodded up the hill to where Adrian and Nigel were standing. 

"Nige was telling me about Adrian's photos yesterday," she said. "Said he was very talented.”

"Yeah, he is," Karen said proudly. 

"Well, he'll have to send us the ones he's taking now. We'd love to see them." 

"I'll remind him," said Karen. Somehow, she felt like this wouldn't be the last time they all saw each other. At least, she hoped not. 

"Did you see the photos from their trip to the desert in the summer?" she said. 

"Oh, yes," said Kath, laughing. "What on earth was Dan playing at wearing head-to-toe black? I was so worried Phil was going to call me saying he'd been carted off to hospital with heatstroke." 

“I know! At least he didn't get sunburn, I suppose," laughed Karen. 

Dan, hearing their laughter, turned around. 

"What?" he called, seeing them looking at him.

"We're talking about you, not to you," said Kath. 

"Oh, _I_ see how it is," he said, eyes narrowing. “Mumsnet convention.”

"Mum, have we experienced enough nature yet?" said Phil.

"Oh, Phil. And here I thought you liked our walks." 

"I do!" he insisted. "It’s lovely. It's just a bit cold." 

"It is," she agreed. "We'll head back in a sec." 

They started their meandering descent back down the hill soon after. Karen whipped out her phone again to grab a few more shots as the sun started to set, the weak sunlight turning a bright gold. She glanced over to see Dan briefly squeeze Phil’s hand as they walked, and before she could think about it too much she took a quick photo of them, the sea glittering in the background. 

Moments later, Dan had let go of Phil’s hand. She hoped he wasn’t holding back for her sake.

As beautiful as the landscape was, the warmth of the house was a relief after the chill of the wind. Karen went to hand her hat back to Kath.

“Oh, no, you keep it,” she said. “Seems fitting, I think. Plus, it suits you!”

The afternoon was quiet after the frenetic energy of the previous two days, and their long walk. Adrian was going through his photos with Nigel on his laptop, while Dan and Phil were spread out on the couch under Dan’s blanket, Phil’s feet in Dan’s lap, silently playing on their respective Switches. The rest of them were watching Boxing Day films on television.

A few relatives arrived in the afternoon to say hello, and drop off presents. Everyone who’d arrived seemed to know Dan well, and he them. One of Phil’s uncles poked his head around the door.

“Hello all!” he said brightly. “Oh, hello, Dan! I didn’t know you were still going to be here.”

“Hi!” said Dan, making himself slightly less horizontal for a moment. “Yeah, my family is here this year. This is my mum, and my brother - my grandparents should be here soon, they’ve been resting up.”

“Oh, wow!” he said, beaming around at them all. “Nice to meet you. That’s lovely for you both, eh, Phil?”

“Yeah,” smiled Phil. “I liked being able to stay in my PJs on Christmas Eve and not have to worry about taking him to the airport.”

“Priorities, eh!” he said, laughing. “Well, I can't stop, I’ve got more deliveries to make, but I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch. Bye, all! Safe journeys home!”

Everyone waved, and sagged back into their seats.

“Look at you lot,” said Kath, coming into the room. “You look like the sloth exhibit at the zoo.”

“That’s the _point_ of Boxing Day,” said Phil. “And we went walking.”

“Well, help me bring the teas in,” said Kath.

“ _Muuuuum._ ”

“I’ll help,” said Adrian, springing to his feet.

“Thank you, love,” said Kath, sending a pointed look at Dan and Phil under their blanket. Dan rolled his eyes. 

Dinner was mostly leftovers, which Martyn declared were even better reheated, before they settled down to some last games, once again chosen by Phil. The evening’s winners were the team of Nigel and Adrian, who beat Dan and Phil into second with the strength of their Pictionary skills.

Karen yawned as she pulled on her coat. Once she got home tomorrow, it was dressing gown and sofa time for at least two days. The quiet festive piano music Martyn had put on while they were playing games still drifted from the living room. 

“Oof, I’m ready for my pillow,” said her mum, neatly arranging her scarf.

“Me, too,” said Karen. “Just want to say goodnight to everyone, then we’ll be off. The taxi’s on its way. Have you seen Dan?”

“Still in the living room, I think.”

 _Probably dozed off on the couch again,_ thought Karen, as she backtracked to the living room. From the hallway she could see the lights were off, though she could still hear the music playing. She peered around the doorway. 

The room was empty except for Dan and Phil, arms wrapped around each other, swaying gently in front of the Christmas tree, the only illumination in the room. Dan’s forehead rested lightly on Phil’s shoulder, and Phil’s fingers toyed with the short hairs at the back of his neck. 

Karen watched them for a moment, frozen to the spot. The scene was so serene, she couldn’t bring herself to disturb them.

A noise from the hallway made Phil glance up, and as he met Karen’s eyes he stepped back with an _oh_ of surprise. Startled, Dan turned towards her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. She’d have left them there forever. “But - we’re just heading off now.”

“Oh, right,” said Dan. “Sorry, we got a bit - distracted.”

“I can see that,” she said, smiling. “Cute.”

“Mum,” said Dan, smiling back. “Shut up.”

He came over for a hug.

“See you in the morning,” he said.

“You all packed?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Dan, pulling back. Phil headed over for a hug as well. 

“Thanks for today,” he said, his hug firm. “It was really fun.”

“It was,” said Karen. “Thank _you_. You’re quite the gamesmaster.”

“I’ll take that title,” he said with a grin.

“Karen!” called her mother. “The taxi’s here.”

The Lesters waved them off from the doorway. As they drove away, Karen looked back at the house, and saw the twinkling lights of the tree through the living room window. She hoped Dan and Phil had time for one more dance before they left tomorrow.

* * *

The taxi to the airport was on its way, luggage was piled up in the hallway, and everyone was crowded into the kitchen for one last cup of tea. 

“We come to London occasionally,” said Kath. “Dan can let you know when we’re next down, if you want to meet up.”

“That would be lovely,” said Dan’s gran. “We’re not far away.”

The car horn from outside made them all jump. 

“I’ll grab some bags,” said Martyn. “While you two cry on each other, or whatever.”

“Oi,” said Phil, as he passed. “We’re not gonna cry. It’s only, like, three days.”

“I might cry,” said Kath. “The house is going to seem so empty!”

“Hey, I’m still here,” said Phil.

“And what are you going to do as soon as Dan and his family are gone?”

“Go back to bed,” admitted Phil.

“Exactly.”

“Right, let’s hit the road,” said Dan.

“Jack,” added Phil.

“I knew you were gonna say that! You always say that! Why do I ever say ‘hit the road’?” groaned Dan.

Phil stuck his tongue out at him.

Once the bags were in the car, Kath came out and drew Karen into a warm hug.

“It’s been lovely having you,” she said.

“Thank you, it’s been lovely being here,” said Karen. “I mean, it, really.” She pulled back, and looked Kath in the eye. “Thank you for everything.”

“Oh, it’s no bother,” said Kath, beaming. “Hopefully we’ll see you all back here sometime.”

“I hope so, too.”

Karen glanced across to where her mum was giving Phil a huge hug, and Adrian was still chattering away with Nigel.

“Bye, Kath,” said Dan, appearing next to them and leaning down to hug her. “Thank you for everything, as always.”

“Of course, love,” she said, stroking his back. “Safe journey. See you next month. Did you get your box of cakes?” 

“I did indeed,” he said. “They’ll probably be gone by the time the plane takes off. See you!” He turned to where Phil was waiting for him with open arms. 

Karen accepted a goodbye kiss on the cheek from Nigel, and got in the taxi. Dan eventually extricated himself from Phil, pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and bounded over to the car. They pulled away, and waved out of the back window until the Lesters were out of sight.

Dan yawned dramatically.

“Oh, my god,” he said. “I love them so much, but I’m going to sleep for, like, twenty hours when we get home.”

“Me too,” she said, laughing. “Oh, while I remember,” she said. “I’ve got a photo to send you. From our walk.”

“Oh?”

Karen unlocked her phone and found the photo of Dan and Phil, hand in hand on the cliffs. She passed him the phone, and watched his smile grow.

“Aw,” he said. “I didn’t know you took that. Sneaky.”

“Do you want it?”

“‘Course I do. Thanks.”

She sent the photo across, before pocketing her phone. 

She watched the trees and hills pass by as they headed for the airport, already looking forward to the long journey being over, and to being back at home with her family - not to mention Colin. Beside her, Dan was still looking down at his phone. 

She found herself wondering if it would even be physically possible to fit all of the Lesters around their dining table. Maybe, if she picked up another little one from Ikea … and there was a lovely bed and breakfast down the road from them that Kath would love… and now that she thought about it, it was a travesty that Phil had never met Colin. She’d have to invite him soon in the new year. Wasn’t his birthday soon?

A myriad of possibilities stretched ahead of her. It might be that they wouldn't be able to get together like this again for quite a long time, between travel, jobs and everything else - but if this trip had taught her anything, it was that their families had already been connected for a long time, and while she’d originally done this for Dan, she’d gotten so much more than she’d imagined out of it herself. She hoped she’d see them all again.

Maybe next Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

>  _through the years we all will be together_  
>  if the fates allow
> 
> Thank you for reading! Reblog [here](https://blackbirddan.tumblr.com/post/189981994716/fic-maybe-this-christmas) on Tumblr. :)


End file.
